Monday, October 29, 2012


To a group, who at one time would have flickered recognition.


How do I mourn you
When I refuse to believe you are dead
How do I stop remembering
The things you said
About me
As a person, a woman, a poet
How do I leave it behind

How do I stop wishing you back
Do I give up
Do I swallow hard and pack it in
Ditch the verse and grab my purse
And go
I wish I could know

Is it better to remember
And try to smile
Realize it was good for a while
Like a lover whose face I can't forget
Farewell, my dear, I'm glad you let
Me in for a time

Oh, I could probably try
To recreate you, reconstruct you
Some poor replica of your beauty
But how do you replicate perfection
Besides, it wasn't me who gave you life
I just happened by one day
And was forever changed

I can't promise to stop longing
Can't write you out of the song
That haunts me in the night
But will I be all right
When the gears rust shut
And nothing is left but

Monday, October 8, 2012

When they don't even know you exist

It takes my breath away for just a moment, there in my inbox, the subject line without any brackets so it looks like it's a personal message. Just for me. It isn't. It's a blog title without any brackets.

And it's a beautiful entry, as always. Beautiful and meant for all of us.

I stifle the disappointment and tell myself those same things, things I hate hearing but know to be true. Things like it isn't about me, and to remember the big picture, and that God knows my heart and that's all that matters. And that I should be ashamed for wanting something more personal.

I wonder if anyone will ever feel that kind of happiness when she sees my name her inbox. I wonder if my offerings will ever disappoint when the brackets show.

I want to stay personal. I want those for whom I write to know they matter to me. No. I want her to know she matters to me. It isn't about me, but I want it to be about her.

I want to keep loving those beautiful women who write for all of us, even when they don't know I exist. Because they are reaching hearts just like I long to do, touching lives and making a difference and bringing smiles to faces of beautiful women who really need them. All faces just like mine.