I recently read a passage from the book Sacred Romance, in which John Eldredge is talking about how we can love and trust God when oftentimes what He allows to happen to us feels like betrayal. Mr. Eldredge said he was questioned about how we can trust a lover who is so wild, to which he responds that we could, if we knew His heart was good.
I pondered this for a long time, mulling it over in my mind, thinking back over my life at the times when I felt like He had failed me. It wasn't so much bitter anger as it was disappointment. My hope in Him felt dashed against sharp rocks. Watching a baby daughter die in my arms, losing far too young the only brother who treated me like a sister, watching the life drain from my sweet mother's face...it felt too much like being let down by the One I'm supposed to be able to trust with everything, in every moment.
But if I knew His heart was good...
Do I know His heart is good? Do I know His heart?
I have a lot to think about as I meditate on the question of how well I know Him, how well I understand His heart, His will, His intent, the depth of His love for me.
I think of my husband. I know his heart. And I know it is good.
It's why we don't argue.
It's why we don't get bent over stupid stuff.
It's why I want so much to make his home comfortable, his life happy.
If something comes up to draw his motive or action or words into question, I instinctively balance it against what I know of this man I've given my heart to, my soul mate, my husband of more than thirty years. I know his heart, and that tells me what his intent was--or was not--and it makes all the difference.
If I know this so unquestionably of my husband, how can I not be a million times more certain of my Father?
If I know Him at all, I know His heart is good.
He does not slumber, nor does He sleep.
I am safe. Whatever blindsides me in this fallen world, whatever losses or let-downs or answerless questions, I remain in His keeping.
Because I know His heart is good.